Do This Exercise If You Want to Have Better Sex

Want to imporve your sex life with one easy move? Our friends at Your Tango discuss the benefits of kegel exercises.

No gym required!

Most women have most likely heard of Kegel exercises, though the context in which you’ve heard of them may take quite a number of forms.

They are, for instance, highly useful for bladder control, and as such are often recommended in the older set. Don’t think that means they aren’t useful for younger women too, though; they are.

Kegel exercises can help you have stronger orgasms, as well as help you recover from or prepare for childbirth. It can also help you make sex better for your man. So on the sex front, having strong Kegels is a win-win situation.

Before we get to its main benefits, though, and how you can use your newer, stronger pelvic muscles to best effect, let’s discuss what Kegel exercises do, how you can use them to strengthen your vagina, and which particular exercises work best to achieve results.

Here’s How They Work

Your pelvic muscles sit right at the bottom of your chest cavity. They lie beneath all of your internal organs, and are even beneath a baby as it grows inside a woman’s uterus. Your pelvic muscles are levator muscles, which means that when they contract they “raise” something. In this case what they raise is your pelvic floor.

The easiest way to “feel” these muscles is to squeeze as though you are trying to hold in a pee. The muscles that tighten around your urethra to keep urine from leaking out (and the same muscles you would tighten to keep from devacating when you didn’t want to) are your pelvic muscles.

If these are weak from childbirth or lack of exercise, all sorts of unpleasant things can begin to happen, the most obvious of which being you could leak either urine or feces. That’s no good, so it’s always nice to get the jump on incontinence ¡ª not being able to hold it ¡ª by strengthening these muscles.

How These Muscles Affect Your Love Life

But even if you’re young and healthy, a stronger pelvic floor is desirable for several reasons:

It will help you deliver babies more effectively when/if the time comesIt can help you recover from childbirth fasterIt can increase the strength of your enjoyment during sexIt can help you make sex better for him

The latter benefit can occur in two different ways. On the one hand, stronger pelvic floor muscles makes you feel “tighter,” combating the loosening effect that childbirth can have, or just improving what you already began with, if that kind of thing is important to you.

Some men say they have achieved orgasm through no movement on their part at all, simply by letting a woman manipulate their pelvic muscles, squeezing them tight and then releasing them in a repetitive fashion. Now doesn’t that sound kind of fun? That’s what we thought, and that’s why Kegel exercises can be so helpful.

How to Strengthen Your Pelvic Muscles with Kegel Exercise

There are a number of different Kegel exercises you can do to help you get stronger pelvic muscles, but before you can start them, you need to know which muscles those are.

As we discussed above, pelvic muscles are the ones you tighten when you’re trying not to go to the bathroom. If this isn’t enough information to identify them, try this: go to the bathroom, then attempt to stop your urine midstream. If you successfully stop your urine stream by squeezing, you have identified your pelvic muscles. Now you can begin doing Kegel exercises.

These are, luckily, a very simple form of exercise. Simply squeeze the pelvic muscles tight for five seconds, recommends the Mayo Clinic, then release the contraction for five seconds. If you practice quite a bit, you can eventually get the contractions up to 10 seconds long, with 10-second breaks between contractions.

Kegel exercises are most effective, though, if you focus only on your pelvic floor while you do these steps. Working your pelvic floor at the exclusion of other nearby muscles can be difficult, which is where practice comes in. Focus on tightening your pelvic floor, then intentionally releasing one by one any other muscles that you might have unintentionally engaged: your abs, your buttocks or your thighs, for instance. Practice this over and over again, contracting your pelvic floor while keeping everything else loose, until you can squeeze pelvic muscles on command without tightening anything else.

A Few Caveats

Keep in mind that Kegel exercises are only good for you if you do them right. For one thing, it’s not necessary to do them all day every day: three sets of five to 10 reps per day is plenty. You should also avoid holding your breath, which many people tend to do unconsciously while doing exercise of any sort. But holding your breath makes the exercises less effective, and isn’t good for you, besides.

And while stopping your urine stream is a good way to identify your pelvic muscles, it is not a good substitute for Kegel exercises. If you do this repeatedly, your body may learn to empty your bladder incompletely, which can cause urinary tract infection or make you uncomfortable.

Also, while doctors sometimes advise women to use Kegel machines or to insert things like Ben Wa balls into their vaginas that they are supposed to hold in place by squeezing, you don’t need to do this if you aren’t having trouble with your Kegel exercises. It’s wonderful that women have access to such things if they need them, but they aren’t prerequisites to successful Kegel exercise.

One last piece of advice: Like any exercise, Kegels convey their benefits rather slowly. You may have to wait a few weeks or even a few months to see the results you’re looking for, which is fine. Just keep going and you’ll get there.

If you’d like to learn more tips and tricks on satisfying your man in the bedroom, then you may be interested in using some of the oral sex techniques in this tutorial video.

Check out more great articles from Your Tango:

A Woman’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Masturbation8 Things Your Vagina DESPERATELY Wants You to KnowI Had Vaginal Rejuvination SurgeryImage Source: Shutterstock

Do This Exercise If You Want to Have Better Sex

Want to imporve your sex life with one easy move? Our friends at Your Tango discuss the benefits of kegel exercises.

No gym required!

Most women have most likely heard of Kegel exercises| though the context in which you’ve heard of them may take quite a number of forms.

They are| for instance| highly useful for bladder control| and as such are often recommended in the older set. Don’t think that means they aren’t useful for younger women too| though; they are.

Kegel exercises can help you have stronger orgasms| as well as help you recover from or prepare for childbirth. It can also help you make sex better for your man. So on the sex front| having strong Kegels is a win-win situation.

Before we get to its main benefits| though| and how you can use your newer| stronger pelvic muscles to best effect| let’s discuss what Kegel exercises do| how you can use them to strengthen your vagina| and which particular exercises work best to achieve results.

Here’s How They Work

Your pelvic muscles sit right at the bottom of your chest cavity. They lie beneath all of your internal organs| and are even beneath a baby as it grows inside a woman’s uterus. Your pelvic muscles are levator muscles| which means that when they contract they “raise” something. In this case what they raise is your pelvic floor.

The easiest way to “feel” these muscles is to squeeze as though you are trying to hold in a pee. The muscles that tighten around your urethra to keep urine from leaking out (and the same muscles you would tighten to keep from devacating when you didn’t want to) are your pelvic muscles.

If these are weak from childbirth or lack of exercise| all sorts of unpleasant things can begin to happen| the most obvious of which being you could leak either urine or feces. That’s no good| so it’s always nice to get the jump on incontinence ¡ª not being able to hold it ¡ª by strengthening these muscles.

How These Muscles Affect Your Love Life

But even if you’re young and healthy| a stronger pelvic floor is desirable for several reasons:

It will help you deliver babies more effectively when/if the time comesIt can help you recover from childbirth fasterIt can increase the strength of your enjoyment during sexIt can help you make sex better for him

The latter benefit can occur in two different ways. On the one hand| stronger pelvic floor muscles makes you feel “tighter|” combating the loosening effect that childbirth can have| or just improving what you already began with| if that kind of thing is important to you.

Some men say they have achieved orgasm through no movement on their part at all| simply by letting a woman manipulate their pelvic muscles| squeezing them tight and then releasing them in a repetitive fashion. Now doesn’t that sound kind of fun? That’s what we thought| and that’s why Kegel exercises can be so helpful.

How to Strengthen Your Pelvic Muscles with Kegel Exercise

There are a number of different Kegel exercises you can do to help you get stronger pelvic muscles| but before you can start them| you need to know which muscles those are.

As we discussed above| pelvic muscles are the ones you tighten when you’re trying not to go to the bathroom. If this isn’t enough information to identify them| try this: go to the bathroom| then attempt to stop your urine midstream. If you successfully stop your urine stream by squeezing| you have identified your pelvic muscles. Now you can begin doing Kegel exercises.

These are| luckily| a very simple form of exercise. Simply squeeze the pelvic muscles tight for five seconds| recommends the Mayo Clinic| then release the contraction for five seconds. If you practice quite a bit| you can eventually get the contractions up to 10 seconds long| with 10-second breaks between contractions.

Kegel exercises are most effective| though| if you focus only on your pelvic floor while you do these steps. Working your pelvic floor at the exclusion of other nearby muscles can be difficult| which is where practice comes in. Focus on tightening your pelvic floor| then intentionally releasing one by one any other muscles that you might have unintentionally engaged: your abs| your buttocks or your thighs| for instance. Practice this over and over again| contracting your pelvic floor while keeping everything else loose| until you can squeeze pelvic muscles on command without tightening anything else.

A Few Caveats

Keep in mind that Kegel exercises are only good for you if you do them right. For one thing| it’s not necessary to do them all day every day: three sets of five to 10 reps per day is plenty. You should also avoid holding your breath| which many people tend to do unconsciously while doing exercise of any sort. But holding your breath makes the exercises less effective| and isn’t good for you| besides.

And while stopping your urine stream is a good way to identify your pelvic muscles| it is not a good substitute for Kegel exercises. If you do this repeatedly| your body may learn to empty your bladder incompletely| which can cause urinary tract infection or make you uncomfortable.

Also| while doctors sometimes advise women to use Kegel machines or to insert things like Ben Wa balls into their vaginas that they are supposed to hold in place by squeezing| you don’t need to do this if you aren’t having trouble with your Kegel exercises. It’s wonderful that women have access to such things if they need them| but they aren’t prerequisites to successful Kegel exercise.

One last piece of advice: Like any exercise| Kegels convey their benefits rather slowly. You may have to wait a few weeks or even a few months to see the results you’re looking for| which is fine. Just keep going and you’ll get there.

If you’d like to learn more tips and tricks on satisfying your man in the bedroom| then you may be interested in using some of the oral sex techniques in this tutorial video.

Check out more great articles from Your Tango:

A Woman’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Masturbation8 Things Your Vagina DESPERATELY Wants You to KnowI Had Vaginal Rejuvination SurgeryImage Source: Shutterstock

How to Master the Art of Being Happy in 6 Steps

Happiness in life is the ultimate goal. There are many roads to achieving peak happiness and our friends at YourTango have listed just a few to inspire you.

Stop looking and start DOING!

Happiness seems to be the ultimate ¡ª yet most elusive ¡ª of goals.

We want to be happy with our family, work, health, finances, relationships and future. And while we may feel happy for brief or fleeting moments, soaking in an adrenaline rush and energy, the feeling seems to fade quickly with the next less-than-positive person or situation that we encounter.

Happiness in the moment can inspire fear of “What if this doesn’t last and I go back to being sad or depressed?“, which can put a real damper on the good feelings. Is it any wonder we don’t see happiness as a long-term state of being?

But here’s a secret: Happy is a state of doing, not being. Happy people do things differently than unhappy ones, and you can too.

Let’s first look at how we got into this mess of striving for happiness without fully believing it’s possible. Together, we can create something better than this dismal road to frustration and anxiety. We have a societal need to seek out what’s wrong with everything and focus on the negative. That has got to stop.

Why Is There So Much Negative?

You may have noticed the first topics on the nightly news are crime, disaster and violence. Why? That’s what gets ratings. Because if we see the bad things, our life doesn’t seem so bad in comparison. How can we watch, listen and read those things and achieve real or lasting happiness? In my opinion, we can’t. There are plenty of funny or positive websites, cat videos, TV shows and books that inspire laughter and joy. Negative, scary news only makes being happy more unattainable.

Does this mean you should tune out and lose touch with reality? No, it means you should shift your reality with a focus on positive topics you can do something about. Putting your energy on negative people and situations rather than how you ultimately want things to be only serves to create more of the same.

Realize that happy people are happy by choice, not by circumstance. Being happy is a habit, just like picking your clothes up off the floor, brushing your teeth or being nice to a co-worker you’d rather not be around.

So, how do you build a happiness habit? Start with these 6 things:

1. Find your happy thing.

Choose one thought per day to focus on when you feel down; determine what it will be when you first wake up. This will be your go-to topic or happy thing when you want to raise your energy and feel better. You can focus on your beloved dog or cat, a child or loved one, the best kiss you’ve ever had, a family vacation or moment of celebration … anything that makes you feel instantly happy.

Each time you feel your energy dropping into negative feelings like fear, anger, frustration, resentment, etc., call upon your happy thing and stay in that moment for as long as possible (17 seconds minimum).

Although it may sound simplistic, it works ¡ª and for longer periods of time! As you practice, you’ll start to feel happier more often. In addition, you will attract more positive people and situations to you based on the universal law of vibration ¡ª like attracts like ¡ª which is working 24/7, whether you believe it or not. In other words, this one happy habit of refocusing your energy draws more into your life about which to be happy!

2. Realize that their happiness isn’t your responsibility.

One of the other messes we can begin extricating ourselves from immediately is to stop taking responsibility for other people’s happiness. If you think you can make other people happy, not only are you signing up for an unwinnable game, you are taking away their power by enabling them to be victims, rather than empowering them to be strong and successful.

You may have heard, “Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.” by Charles R. Swindoll. If you’ve adjusted your reactions or your responses (a response is conscious, while a reaction is often unconscious) you know this to be true.

So, happiness is a choice. Can you be happy when everything is falling apart around you? Probably not, but you can adjust your responses.

3. Be grateful for the little things.

Gratitude is the most positive of energies; it attracts positive situations and people.

There are seven main laws that keep our universe running in an orderly manner, but does it seem like things are out of balance and chaotic here on Earth? That’s because without understanding the laws of the universe, we inadvertently use them to our disadvantage rather than to our advantage! We compare our situation to other peoples’ situations, thinking ours look worse.

If we used the Universal Law of Relativity to our advantage, we would compare our situation to one that is worse; in comparison, ours will look better. It’s a quick way to feel instantly happy, because it helps you realize that your situation isn’t as bad as you originally thought.

Gratitude for small things has a huge impact on happiness. For example, when you are stuck in traffic on the way to work, you can complain about it or you can be grateful you have a vehicle. If it’s sunny in that traffic jam, be grateful for the beautiful day. If it’s raining, be grateful that you aren’t in a convertible with the top down.

There is always something to be grateful for, and if you feel silly looking for things to be happy about, that feeling will be far outweighed by the lasting, long-term joy.

4. Avoid negative people.

If you have negative friends or co-workers, realize how you feel around them. Do you feel happy or dragged down? Can you change the subject or act so positive that they move away to a more miserable crowd?

Remember: Happy isn’t something you are; happy is something you do. Happy habits result in a cup of coffee or glass of wine being an option, rather than a necessity to increase energy or reduce stress. Also remember that no one can be happy all the time without some effort and the practice of good habits.

5. Understand that you are free and have endless opportunities.

My clients who start out as unhappy people, even though they are going for their dreams, are living their lives by default. In other words, they are playing the hand they were dealt, rather than designing a life they enjoy.

We all have the option of drawing new cards in our game of life. When you realize the power you have; in choices and responsibility for your own happiness, you feel a sense of freedom and endless opportunities ¡ª both of which are breeding grounds for happiness.

Determine what makes you happy. What are you doing when you feel your best? Where are you? Who, if anyone, are you with? Are you doing an activity like yoga, hiking, reading, hanging out with friends or meditating, having a dinner party or visiting family?

Do more of what makes you happy. Schedule your me time and figure out what’s important for you to be your best.

6. Stop tolerating.

Another good habit to get into is zapping tolerations. A toleration is something you’re putting up with instead of dealing with or deleting.

For example, I had a small piling system of seemingly important papers that I would move from my desk to the floor and back again, rather than just taking a few minutes to sort it and add to an appropriate filing system. Three months went by and I only sorted the pile because a friend was going to be staying with me ¡ª I wanted my desk to look neat and tidy. It took all of 20 minutes.

The frustration and stress that stupid pile caused over three months was huge, compared to zapping it in 20 minutes. Now, I file my piles at one inch in height rather than three and I’m much happier.

The Process For Happiness

Your process to be happy is multi-fold: find things to be grateful for in all situations, be kind and courteous to others while realizing they are responsible for their own happiness, shift toward positive people and situations and news, zap those tolerations, and use your happy thing as a trigger for feeling good. You will notice a huge difference.

Habits take time to form, so practice, practice, practice. . .and let me know how you’re doing.

¡ª Kelly Rudolph

Check out more great stories from YourTango:

10 Inspirational Quotes About Change to Get You Out of Your SlumpAwesome Collection of Quotes For Any and All Occasions15 Ways Guys Say “I Love You” Without Ever Saying a WordImage Source: Shutterstock

How to Master the Art of Being Happy in 6 Steps

Happiness in life is the ultimate goal. There are many roads to achieving peak happiness and our friends at YourTango have listed just a few to inspire you.

Stop looking and start DOING!

Happiness seems to be the ultimate ¡ª yet most elusive ¡ª of goals.

We want to be happy with our family| work| health| finances| relationships and future. And while we may feel happy for brief or fleeting moments| soaking in an adrenaline rush and energy| the feeling seems to fade quickly with the next less-than-positive person or situation that we encounter.

Happiness in the moment can inspire fear of “What if this doesn’t last and I go back to being sad or depressed?“| which can put a real damper on the good feelings. Is it any wonder we don’t see happiness as a long-term state of being?

But here’s a secret: Happy is a state of doing| not being. Happy people do things differently than unhappy ones| and you can too.

Let’s first look at how we got into this mess of striving for happiness without fully believing it’s possible. Together| we can create something better than this dismal road to frustration and anxiety. We have a societal need to seek out what’s wrong with everything and focus on the negative. That has got to stop.

Why Is There So Much Negative?

You may have noticed the first topics on the nightly news are crime| disaster and violence. Why? That’s what gets ratings. Because if we see the bad things| our life doesn’t seem so bad in comparison. How can we watch| listen and read those things and achieve real or lasting happiness? In my opinion| we can’t. There are plenty of funny or positive websites| cat videos| TV shows and books that inspire laughter and joy. Negative| scary news only makes being happy more unattainable.

Does this mean you should tune out and lose touch with reality? No| it means you should shift your reality with a focus on positive topics you can do something about. Putting your energy on negative people and situations rather than how you ultimately want things to be only serves to create more of the same.

Realize that happy people are happy by choice| not by circumstance. Being happy is a habit| just like picking your clothes up off the floor| brushing your teeth or being nice to a co-worker you’d rather not be around.

So| how do you build a happiness habit? Start with these 6 things:

1. Find your happy thing.

Choose one thought per day to focus on when you feel down; determine what it will be when you first wake up. This will be your go-to topic or happy thing when you want to raise your energy and feel better. You can focus on your beloved dog or cat| a child or loved one| the best kiss you’ve ever had| a family vacation or moment of celebration … anything that makes you feel instantly happy.

Each time you feel your energy dropping into negative feelings like fear| anger| frustration| resentment| etc.| call upon your happy thing and stay in that moment for as long as possible (17 seconds minimum).

Although it may sound simplistic| it works ¡ª and for longer periods of time! As you practice| you’ll start to feel happier more often. In addition| you will attract more positive people and situations to you based on the universal law of vibration ¡ª like attracts like ¡ª which is working 24/7| whether you believe it or not. In other words| this one happy habit of refocusing your energy draws more into your life about which to be happy!

2. Realize that their happiness isn’t your responsibility.

One of the other messes we can begin extricating ourselves from immediately is to stop taking responsibility for other people’s happiness. If you think you can make other people happy| not only are you signing up for an unwinnable game| you are taking away their power by enabling them to be victims| rather than empowering them to be strong and successful.

You may have heard| “Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.” by Charles R. Swindoll. If you’ve adjusted your reactions or your responses (a response is conscious| while a reaction is often unconscious) you know this to be true.

So| happiness is a choice. Can you be happy when everything is falling apart around you? Probably not| but you can adjust your responses.

3. Be grateful for the little things.

Gratitude is the most positive of energies; it attracts positive situations and people.

There are seven main laws that keep our universe running in an orderly manner| but does it seem like things are out of balance and chaotic here on Earth? That’s because without understanding the laws of the universe| we inadvertently use them to our disadvantage rather than to our advantage! We compare our situation to other peoples’ situations| thinking ours look worse.

If we used the Universal Law of Relativity to our advantage| we would compare our situation to one that is worse; in comparison| ours will look better. It’s a quick way to feel instantly happy| because it helps you realize that your situation isn’t as bad as you originally thought.

Gratitude for small things has a huge impact on happiness. For example| when you are stuck in traffic on the way to work| you can complain about it or you can be grateful you have a vehicle. If it’s sunny in that traffic jam| be grateful for the beautiful day. If it’s raining| be grateful that you aren’t in a convertible with the top down.

There is always something to be grateful for| and if you feel silly looking for things to be happy about| that feeling will be far outweighed by the lasting| long-term joy.

4. Avoid negative people.

If you have negative friends or co-workers| realize how you feel around them. Do you feel happy or dragged down? Can you change the subject or act so positive that they move away to a more miserable crowd?

Remember: Happy isn’t something you are; happy is something you do. Happy habits result in a cup of coffee or glass of wine being an option| rather than a necessity to increase energy or reduce stress. Also remember that no one can be happy all the time without some effort and the practice of good habits.

5. Understand that you are free and have endless opportunities.

My clients who start out as unhappy people| even though they are going for their dreams| are living their lives by default. In other words| they are playing the hand they were dealt| rather than designing a life they enjoy.

We all have the option of drawing new cards in our game of life. When you realize the power you have; in choices and responsibility for your own happiness| you feel a sense of freedom and endless opportunities both of which are breeding grounds for happiness.

Determine what makes you happy. What are you doing when you feel your best? Where are you? Who| if anyone| are you with? Are you doing an activity like yoga| hiking| reading| hanging out with friends or meditating| having a dinner party or visiting family?

Do more of what makes you happy. Schedule your me time and figure out what’s important for you to be your best.

6. Stop tolerating.

Another good habit to get into is zapping tolerations. A toleration is something you’re putting up with instead of dealing with or deleting.

For example| I had a small piling system of seemingly important papers that I would move from my desk to the floor and back again| rather than just taking a few minutes to sort it and add to an appropriate filing system. Three months went by and I only sorted the pile because a friend was going to be staying with me I wanted my desk to look neat and tidy. It took all of 20 minutes.

The frustration and stress that stupid pile caused over three months was huge| compared to zapping it in 20 minutes. Now| I file my piles at one inch in height rather than three and I’m much happier.

The Process For Happiness

Your process to be happy is multi-fold: find things to be grateful for in all situations| be kind and courteous to others while realizing they are responsible for their own happiness| shift toward positive people and situations and news| zap those tolerations| and use your happy thing as a trigger for feeling good. You will notice a huge difference.

Habits take time to form| so practice| practice| practice. . .and let me know how you’re doing.

¡ª Kelly Rudolph

Check out more great stories from YourTango:

10 Inspirational Quotes About Change to Get You Out of Your SlumpAwesome Collection of Quotes For Any and All Occasions15 Ways Guys Say “I Love You” Without Ever Saying a WordImage Source: Shutterstock

Is It OK to Offer Health or Fitness Advice?

Say you’re eating lunch with a friend who’s overweight. She’s sipping a Diet Coke while dousing her salad in gobs of Ranch dressing, croutons, and shredded cheese. Would you politely offer some tips about how to make her meal lower in calories, or would you keep your mouth closed? Offering health and fitness advice is a tricky thing. There’s a fine line you can cross over, where you end up hurting her feelings instead of helping her become healthier.

Is it your duty to spread the word of health and fitness to the world, or are you careful about who you spread the word to?

Image Source: Thinkstock

Is It OK to Offer Health or Fitness Advice?

Say you’re eating lunch with a friend who’s overweight. She’s sipping a Diet Coke while dousing her salad in gobs of Ranch dressing| croutons| and shredded cheese. Would you politely offer some tips about how to make her meal lower in calories| or would you keep your mouth closed? Offering health and fitness advice is a tricky thing. There’s a fine line you can cross over| where you end up hurting her feelings instead of helping her become healthier.

Is it your duty to spread the word of health and fitness to the world| or are you careful about who you spread the word to?

Image Source: Thinkstock